H O O D S L A M
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Hoodslam - #AMERICA
7/4/2014 8:30 doors, 9pm show
21&up, $10 cover, dontbringyourfnkids
Oakland Metro Operahouse 630 3rd Street
Full events available for (not) free download on smartmarkvideo.com!
@hoodslam on twitter, facebooks (duh), instagram, and youtube
Cuz not every show gets a fancy name. In fact, it'd be a discredit to this great nation to overdress it. Our country is a big ass beautiful steak - it doesn't need any sauce. On 4th of July, we pay tribute to this amazingly graceful hunk of freedom meat in the only twisted way we know how - debauchery and intoxication mixed with brilliant artistic expression and death defying athleticism (plus a stuffed pony we drag around).
Action will be PACKED! STARS WILL BE SPANGLED!
Though it was under dubious circumstances, it is official: Virgil Flynn III has been knocked off the athletically gifted mountain top. Many great contenders have tried, but only one entity has been able to seize the brass ring (or in this specific case, Golden Fannypack). And athough it seems wrong to even type our new BEST ATHLETE IN THE BAY IS FONG.
He and PONG (Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer) have annoyingly climbed the ladder in Hoodslam over the last year, slowly cementing their team name GAME OVER into the anals of our history. The anals have gotten the message, but now so has everyone else on the roster. Now that the pack has the scent, how long can FONG keep running ahead? Getting a high score is impressive - keeping it is how you become legend.
What makes us great? Supersize options! Child Pageants! Cinnamon challenges! Fun runs for charity! Or maybe its the freedom to sit on a couch for days drinking and ordering pizza until you have exstacy delivered to your door then you go on week long rave/road trip/spiritual awakening. We can literally do any stupid thing we want, and don't have to justify shit. Such loosely described the lives of the Knights of the Roxbury, Anthony and Johnny Butabi. But not anymore.
Johny Drinko Butabi, or as he likes to be called now, Johnathon Butabi, has started a new chapter in his life. He exercises his freedom to stay sober since April. Even at Drinko de Mayo, the show pretty much booked around the fact that we have a guy named drinko on a drinking holiday, he woudn't drink! Furthermore, he's begun to take wresting....seriously? I guess thats the word you use when he starts wearing elbow pads for the sake of safety, or constanty talking about the glory of his armdrags on facebook. Its hard to say how brother Anthony is handling this, but the two will be in action July 4th, despite their different llifestyles, as a team.
So much more is on deck, but my laptop is overheating AND THE "L" key barely works. So...UTRAGIR BRITTANY WONDER! DRUGZ BUNNY! JESUS KRUZ! Dixie Carter Memorial Battle Royal Winner JAMES C.!
GODEN GIG CHAMPION JUICED LEE WILL DEFEND!
THE HOODSLAM BAND! COMMENTARY BY BROSEPH JOE BRODY! SPARKO and GUIDO doing zebra impressions!
UNCE SAM VS. VLADIMIR ENIN IN A GASS COFFIN MATCH (not really)